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04/03/2003: "Lethargy"

This week has been a struggle physically, and I really can't explain why. It's all I can do to get out of bed in time to make it to work (I work evenings, mind you). I nearly dozed off several times during an important meeting at work at which all of the high-level managers attend (which isn't to say that the subject matter didn't help or that others haven't done the same before). I usually try to make it to the gym two times a week, but this week, I passed on both trips. I've done the least amount of work I can get by doing. I just want this week over and done with so I can start fresh. I feel dumpy. Maybe my body is making up for last week, when I was Ms. Perky -- I had a lot of energy, was never tired and worked out like an animal.

I used to seriously wonder whether I am mildly manic depressive or bipolar or whatever PC term they're using for it these days. For most of my life, I've been afflicted with paralyzing ups and downs that don't seem to be affected by my diet or schedule. I'd be mentally and physically fine one day, and the next day -- wham -- can't get out of bed, don't feel like eating, socializing or doing anything other than wallowing in a depression (or a "shame spiral" as we like to jokingly call it at work when things aren't going right). The only thing I could do would be to sleep until the next day and hope it's gone away.

Between this and my obsessive-compulsive tendencies, I'm a psychiatrist's and a pharmacist's dream.

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