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01/09/2003: "Encouraged"

I'm glad I waited another night before doing something rash about my job. Patience appears to have paid, at least on paper. I had a couple of talks with my bosses the very day after I felt discouraged about my career, and a plan has been proposed and put in motion (not necessarily because of me, but in light of the aforementioned staff shuffle), one that better defines responsibilities and included adjusting schedules.

The plan has me working four 10-hour days. At another point in my career, I might have started cabbage-patching at that prospect. Now, I'm ambivalent. On one hand, dude, it's three days off a week. On the other hand, it seriously puts a crimp on doing anything other than work on the four days that I do work -- mainly, rowing.

See, the way I figure it, Tuesdays are going to be brutal. I'm going to get home from work at around 1 a.m. Monday night/Tuesday morning -- presumably, if I'm not caught up doing something late at work or otherwise held up by some problem. Then I'm going to sleep until 4:15 a.m., at which time I must get up to make it to rowing practice on time. Then, I'm home around 7, back in bed by 8, and will get to sleep until no later than 12:30 p.m. so I can get ready for work Tuesday afternoon. So that's sleep for three hours, row/travel/shower for three-ish hours, then grab another four hours of shuteye before work.

I'm sure I'll get used to it. My schedule is not that different now on mornings I row; I just get to sleep in a little later in the afternoon.

So why don't I just not row on Tuesdays? Well, if you're a member of a rowing team, which I am -- it may be a hack club team, but it's still a team with a solid lineup -- you can't just show up for two practices out of three each week. That would be like a softball team having 10 players, but the first baseman can only play every other week. If you're one of the other nine players, you'd want that dude replaced with someone who can be there every time. Anyway, despite my constant griping and grumbling about it, I love rowing and don't want to give it up. I'll make this new schedule work somehow. I have to.

When asked how I felt about working the new schedule, I shrugged and said, "It's fine." I wish I could have been more excited about it. But all I thought was, "How on Earth am I going to make it through Tuesday? How will Stephen feel about me being completely useless half the week?" (OK, so there's not much change there, ugh.) Despite all the jitters, I do feel better regarding my job situation. I'm sure the jitters are just a natural fear of change, regardless of whether that change is for the better. I hope it is.

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